Snakes Don’t Bite Batman
In the spring of 2023, I was placed on medical leave after being diagnosed with two types of cancer. Knowing I could no longer be treated with biologic medications for my autoimmune disease and because of a heightened risk of infection from my upcoming cancer removal surgeries, my rheumatologist told me I couldn’t work until I had healed. To keep my mind busy and to stay active, I started a small garden at my home. I enjoyed checking on my plants and watering them every day. It was a nice distraction from the train wreck I was dealing with regarding my health. I had my first facial reconstruction in early May after the removal of one of my tumors, and the potatoes I had planted in my garden were ready to harvest soon after.
My youngest son, Hudson, was going through a phase of wearing footed pajamas, even in the hottest part of the Texas summer, and his favorite pair was a Batman suit. He wore the pj’s so often they were beginning to develop holes. The little footed pj’s looked exactly like Batman’s suit, minus the mask, and I would assume they were every bit as hot as the real thing.
We harvested the potatoes I had grown as a family one evening, and Hudson pushed over his Little Tykes wheelbarrow for us to put the potatoes in as we picked them from the dirt. I told both my boys to put shoes on because we often see snakes in the summer. Our house sits on a hill close to a river, and snakes frequent our flowerbeds and porch. My oldest son, Rhett, obliged, but Hudson, in his Batman pajamas, looked at me very confidently and said, “snakes don’t bite Batman.” My husband, Rhett, and I giggled, and then we picked potatoes. All of us were in shoes, and Hudson worked shoeless and invincible in his Batman pajamas.
I thought about what Hudson had said later on. My face surgery had brought on a range of emotions. I felt fear and anxiety-did they get all the cancer for sure? I felt gratitude-I knew many people had it way worse than me. My visits to MD Anderson had given me a healthy dose of perspective on just how lucky I was. However, I did experience one emotion I wasn’t quite prepared for-an overwhelming dip in my self-esteem. For most of my life, I had never been completely in love with my body. I grew up a chubby child, and I struggled with my weight in adulthood. I was also angry at my body for having so many health issues. But I ALWAYS liked my face. Now I had a huge scar running the length of my nose and bumpy skin there that just didn’t look right. My face was no longer symmetric, and my nostrils didn’t match.
It was a hard dose of reality to accept that I would never look the same. In May my surgeon told me it would take at least 6 months for the swelling to subside. In November of 2023, I went in for a revision and waited another 6 months for the final look. Somehow within that timeframe, I lost and found my confidence all over again.
I became like Hudson-recklessly confident. At times I nearly felt invincible. If the experiences of 2023 couldn’t break me, then maybe I was the superhero in my own story. Through lots of soul searching in my gifted free time, I realized I was much more than the scar on my nose or the one on my stomach or the emotional scars that I held from childhood. I learned that my looks didn’t define me and that my trials were actually what had helped me regain my strength. I learned to look in the mirror and be proud of what I saw staring back at me, scars and all. Turns out I was wearing an invisible Batman suit all along.
I think we often underestimate ourselves. As we age, someone or something influences us to believe we aren’t as strong or as resourceful as we once were. But we are! We still possess all the resilience, willpower, strength, and confidence we had as innocent, young children. We just have to be reminded of it. Whether your reminder comes from a trial you go through, a family member, close friend, colleague, or an invincible five year old in a Batman suit, know that you still have plenty of fight left in you. Thank those who inspire you to keep moving forward, and when you have the opportunity, work to be someone who instills confidence and resilience in those around you.
It doesn’t have to be hard. Just put on your Batman suit and handle business!